i was looking through my posts...and was wondering what a stranger would feel when looking through it... i might come out as a confused religious feminist or something... i am not a feminist nor am i religious.But i am on a journey...questioning feelings, emotions ,essence, identity,roots.
and these are parts of the whole ,which is more than the sum of its parts,...important linkages, or steps on the journey ... backwards...yes.. backwards...until i feel one with the soil..and my roots are at home...
By that, i do not mean i am looking to back home...no..thats not the intension....the quest is for that state of being that i can call home. That state of being which will ground me, and life around me will flourish in my love,as i will in theirs... And for me, going back is essential , for i feel time has come to a place where there are no colors.... life has been stripped off its colors, like nature herself... and in this quest, i find colors in the past...bright colors.... i am going skinny-dipping in these pools of colors...and i share the experience with u, at times....its an attempt to bring the color back to this place that time has bought us.....
THE BHOOT IN THE RIVER
PART-I
Its so difficult to sleep these days…
The head ache has been very bad today. She hates such nights. Because, on such nights, the bhoot comes in her dreams.She clings on to her mother who is sleeping peacefully beside her.The vey thought of the bhoot is so frightening. Now, the headache seems so light, for all she can feel is the beat of her own heart. It feels like her heart would come out of her chest. Now, there is a pain in her chest.
She closes eyes tight, trying to keep the bhoot away. But, she knows, the bhoot is still there, in the shadows of the room, in shadows of her mind .
The night crawls on ...
And she waits for the bhoot to come.
She had just come back from school. It was her first day. She was so scared to go, but the school turned out to be a very nice place. She had fun playing with so many kids.
Amma had asked her to remove her uniform. But she wanted to go to Keerthi’s house and show them her new uniform. Keerthi is one year younger than her and was not old enough to go to school. She was running to Keerthi’s house when she heard the sream. She stood still for a moment. Then she ran faster.
Something had happened to Keerthi’s appa.His hands and legs looked scary and he was crying in pain. She was standing beside Keerthi.They did not know what had happened. Keerthi’s amma was crying very loudly. Many people had come rushing in to the house. A man came running in and knocked Keerthi to the floor. She started crying. Everyone was shouting. And she stood there, thinking what had happened to Keerthi’s appa.
It was amma who told her that a bhoot had caught Keerthi’s appa when he was fishing. The bhoot made Keerthi’s appa cry in pain. The bhoot in the river.
Amma had taken Keerthi also to her house that day.She had to share her food with Keerthi for a whole week after that day. There was no food in Keerthi’s house and her ama was always crying. All of them had to remain hungry because there was very little food. Her own Appa was sick and had not gone to work for two days.
Two days later, she saw the bhoot. It had come in her dream. She had screamed and woken up amma that night. She had cried the whole night and did not let amma sleep.
That happened two years ago. Her eyes still closed, she lets go of her amma’s hand. Now, she knows, Keerthi’s appa got hurt because the factories threw acid in the river. There is no bhoot, her teachers tell her everyday.
There is no bhoot. She opens her eyes. And there, in the darkness, she sees it. As clear as ever. The bhoot! It is real and it is waiting for her.
She screams.
PART-II
Its so difficult to sit in class when one is sleepy. She is trying hard to keep her eyes open. The teacher is reciting a poem. All her classmates are repeating the lines after the teacher. She is sitting there, staring at the black board.
STD-III
15/03/05
TRY, TRY! NEVER CRY!!
she had tried her best, but the bhoot just would not go away. It is coming every night now. And it has started talking to her.
When everyone goes to sleep, she does not know whether she is sleeping or not .All she knows is the fear.
The first time the bhoot came near her, the stench was unbearable. It felt like she was near the factories. The same stench.
Then it whispered in her ear, ”I’ll make u cry like I made keerthi’s appa cry. I’ll make your appa cry too. I live in the factory he works in. Cant u smell me when u pass by the factory?” And it started laughing. She was so scared to move, even to close her eyes. Her heart was beating hard against her chest and she realized that she was shaking very badly. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. She tried to scream, but could not.
The next day morning, she begged her appa not to go to the factory. She cried and she pleaded, but he did not listen to her. Amma tried explaining to her that if appa does not go to the Factory, they would not have any food to eat.
She is so scared for appa these days. She gets so tensed when appa doesn’t come home on time. She tried telling him, she tried telling everyone. But they don’t listen to her. They tell her there is no bhoot. No bhoot in the river and no bhoot in the factory. Nothing will happen to appa. He is safe.
But she knows, the bhoot is real and it is in the river. When people go fishing, it eats their flesh. And when they cry, it laughs at them.
She knows, the bhoot is real and it is in the factories. In the air. When people breathe, it eats up their throat and chest, like it eats up hers, every night.
One day, it’ll eat us all up.
She knows, because it told her. It tells her, every night.
But no one would listen to her.
Can’t they smell it’s stench when they go to the factories? Can’t they hear its deafening laughter when they fall sick and cry in pain?
She is crying now. The teacher is beside her. Headache, she tells the teacher. She takes her to a doctor who had come to the balvadi for a medical check up. He gives her two tablets. One for headache and the other for cold. ”you will be alright if u take these tablets every day morning. Now, don’t cry. Go to your class.” She is not moving. She is standing there, looking at the doctor. She starts crying again. The doctor puts his arm around her, ”what is it, child?”
She looks down. “Can you make the bhoot go away?”
---------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who are curious, the "she " in The Bhoot In The River lives in sipcot, cuddalore.If u really wanna know what she and the other kids are goin through in there, please visit the place urself.For no literature, no poetry, no reports and no photographs can recreate the trauma of being in sipcot, cuddalore.
U and me, alike are responsible for this deplorable state of affairs.
This story is the out come of the emotional turmoil i went through after visiting the palce and interacting with the kids.It was primarily written for me, myself to deal with my own emotions. As for 'her', she is with me always, like the bhoot is with her. And she keeps reminding me that, this life i lead is , but a meaningless act.
PART-I
Its so difficult to sleep these days…
The head ache has been very bad today. She hates such nights. Because, on such nights, the bhoot comes in her dreams.She clings on to her mother who is sleeping peacefully beside her.The vey thought of the bhoot is so frightening. Now, the headache seems so light, for all she can feel is the beat of her own heart. It feels like her heart would come out of her chest. Now, there is a pain in her chest.
She closes eyes tight, trying to keep the bhoot away. But, she knows, the bhoot is still there, in the shadows of the room, in shadows of her mind .
The night crawls on ...
And she waits for the bhoot to come.
She had just come back from school. It was her first day. She was so scared to go, but the school turned out to be a very nice place. She had fun playing with so many kids.
Amma had asked her to remove her uniform. But she wanted to go to Keerthi’s house and show them her new uniform. Keerthi is one year younger than her and was not old enough to go to school. She was running to Keerthi’s house when she heard the sream. She stood still for a moment. Then she ran faster.
Something had happened to Keerthi’s appa.His hands and legs looked scary and he was crying in pain. She was standing beside Keerthi.They did not know what had happened. Keerthi’s amma was crying very loudly. Many people had come rushing in to the house. A man came running in and knocked Keerthi to the floor. She started crying. Everyone was shouting. And she stood there, thinking what had happened to Keerthi’s appa.
It was amma who told her that a bhoot had caught Keerthi’s appa when he was fishing. The bhoot made Keerthi’s appa cry in pain. The bhoot in the river.
Amma had taken Keerthi also to her house that day.She had to share her food with Keerthi for a whole week after that day. There was no food in Keerthi’s house and her ama was always crying. All of them had to remain hungry because there was very little food. Her own Appa was sick and had not gone to work for two days.
Two days later, she saw the bhoot. It had come in her dream. She had screamed and woken up amma that night. She had cried the whole night and did not let amma sleep.
That happened two years ago. Her eyes still closed, she lets go of her amma’s hand. Now, she knows, Keerthi’s appa got hurt because the factories threw acid in the river. There is no bhoot, her teachers tell her everyday.
There is no bhoot. She opens her eyes. And there, in the darkness, she sees it. As clear as ever. The bhoot! It is real and it is waiting for her.
She screams.
PART-II
Its so difficult to sit in class when one is sleepy. She is trying hard to keep her eyes open. The teacher is reciting a poem. All her classmates are repeating the lines after the teacher. She is sitting there, staring at the black board.
STD-III
15/03/05
TRY, TRY! NEVER CRY!!
she had tried her best, but the bhoot just would not go away. It is coming every night now. And it has started talking to her.
When everyone goes to sleep, she does not know whether she is sleeping or not .All she knows is the fear.
The first time the bhoot came near her, the stench was unbearable. It felt like she was near the factories. The same stench.
Then it whispered in her ear, ”I’ll make u cry like I made keerthi’s appa cry. I’ll make your appa cry too. I live in the factory he works in. Cant u smell me when u pass by the factory?” And it started laughing. She was so scared to move, even to close her eyes. Her heart was beating hard against her chest and she realized that she was shaking very badly. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. She tried to scream, but could not.
The next day morning, she begged her appa not to go to the factory. She cried and she pleaded, but he did not listen to her. Amma tried explaining to her that if appa does not go to the Factory, they would not have any food to eat.
She is so scared for appa these days. She gets so tensed when appa doesn’t come home on time. She tried telling him, she tried telling everyone. But they don’t listen to her. They tell her there is no bhoot. No bhoot in the river and no bhoot in the factory. Nothing will happen to appa. He is safe.
But she knows, the bhoot is real and it is in the river. When people go fishing, it eats their flesh. And when they cry, it laughs at them.
She knows, the bhoot is real and it is in the factories. In the air. When people breathe, it eats up their throat and chest, like it eats up hers, every night.
One day, it’ll eat us all up.
She knows, because it told her. It tells her, every night.
But no one would listen to her.
Can’t they smell it’s stench when they go to the factories? Can’t they hear its deafening laughter when they fall sick and cry in pain?
She is crying now. The teacher is beside her. Headache, she tells the teacher. She takes her to a doctor who had come to the balvadi for a medical check up. He gives her two tablets. One for headache and the other for cold. ”you will be alright if u take these tablets every day morning. Now, don’t cry. Go to your class.” She is not moving. She is standing there, looking at the doctor. She starts crying again. The doctor puts his arm around her, ”what is it, child?”
She looks down. “Can you make the bhoot go away?”
---------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who are curious, the "she " in The Bhoot In The River lives in sipcot, cuddalore.If u really wanna know what she and the other kids are goin through in there, please visit the place urself.For no literature, no poetry, no reports and no photographs can recreate the trauma of being in sipcot, cuddalore.
U and me, alike are responsible for this deplorable state of affairs.
This story is the out come of the emotional turmoil i went through after visiting the palce and interacting with the kids.It was primarily written for me, myself to deal with my own emotions. As for 'her', she is with me always, like the bhoot is with her. And she keeps reminding me that, this life i lead is , but a meaningless act.
Monday, April 30, 2007
replies
Its been almost a month since i last blogged... i have been busy finishing off some work at various places.I glad few people are reading my blog and even leaving comments!
@yash
yes, i know buddy...we'll push each other off the cliff someday..what say u? :D
@naveen
sensitivity and pain...sympathy and empathy...is not enough...
@bhuvana
hey! how r u? saw ur scrap.. will mail u soon...and wow! u feel its like listening to me speak? now..that is communication without borders! :D.. bwt..did u like to listen to me speak? :D
@yash
yes, i know buddy...we'll push each other off the cliff someday..what say u? :D
@naveen
sensitivity and pain...sympathy and empathy...is not enough...
@bhuvana
hey! how r u? saw ur scrap.. will mail u soon...and wow! u feel its like listening to me speak? now..that is communication without borders! :D.. bwt..did u like to listen to me speak? :D
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